


i dream about you

by doiebites



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Baby Shotaro, M/M, domestic AU, just a piece of mindless fluff, with a lil harmless angst in the middle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:40:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28534563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doiebites/pseuds/doiebites
Summary: When Yuta is sad, he hides himself away and looks for comfort in old memories. This time, the found memory was special.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 8
Kudos: 70





	i dream about you

Yuta was sad. Not for any specific reason; he just woke up feeling weird, and not even his boyfriend’s caring, or their son’s excitement, helped him leave the black hole he was sinking in. He ultimately locked himself away in their bedroom, and Doyoung let him be, knowing it was his way of dealing with his moods. He also kept Shotaro with him; Yuta has never wanted him to see his dad sad, and it wasn’t going to change now.

Sitting on his bed, staring out into the distance, Yuta fell into his memories. Lately there has been a specific memory, or trail of, that he had come back to time and time again, and he knew it came from insecurity. A feeling that now, after three years, still didn’t leave him, and he doubted ever will.

Closing his eyes, he revisited the first night.

* * *

_From the very start, finding him felt like destiny._

_From the moment they first saw him in the orphanage, so small in his crib, big brown eyes looking up at them in wonder, they knew right there, that he was theirs._

_Yuta almost didn’t pay attention to the lady while she gave the info about the baby; he was too busy playing with him, very softly poking his little cheek and smiling so lovingly when he giggled. He was so adorable, he was already smitten._

_He didn’t realize he started talking to him in his mother tongue until the lady pointed it out, mentioning she was glad the boy had someone to teach him his language._

_“Wait, what?”_

_“I thought you were paying attention, Yuu.” Doyoung smiled softly. “He’s Japanese, just like you.”_

_Yuta lost his words, turning back to the crib and trying to keep his composure._

_He would be lying if he didn’t secretly hope for this to happen. To have a child from his home country, someone he could teach his language and culture to, in addition to Doyoung’s own. He’s never told his boyfriend about it, even knowing well Doyoung would agree with it instantly, if not suggesting it first. And, feeling his arm wrap around his waist, thumb stroking it gently, Yuta had a feeling that he did think about it as well._

_In the middle of their silence, the decision was made._

  
  


_Six months was all it took for them to finally be able to bring Shotaro home. It surprised them, who were expecting it to take well over a year. They were able to visit the baby regularly, so he could bond with them and recognize them as his dads, but taking him home, actually having him there with them, it felt unreal. When Jaehyun and Jungwoo came to visit, and meet the now one year old for the first time, they laughed and reassured them that it was a normal feeling, that they also had the first day they brought Jaemin home._

_Full of happiness as the day was, the night quickly turned into something more somber._

_They had put Shotaro to sleep in his bedroom hours ago, but still Yuta was standing there, right next to the crib. Just watching, trying to put his focus on his rising chest as he breathed instead of the whirlwind of thoughts inside his head._

_He was scared. Almost terrified._

_He knew these thoughts would come as soon as he first talked to Doyoung about having a baby. That his insecurity would jump out right away and make him doubt everything about it. He knew it was normal, hell, even Jaehyun advised him about it, to not pay attention to his thoughts because they came only for being a new thing. But he couldn’t shake them away._

_He felt that he wasn’t ready yet, as he thought he was. Sure, meeting Shotaro in the orphanage, being able to take care of him, it all filled him with so much love and happiness. But now he and Doyoung were on their own, having full responsibility over this tiny little boy. He knew Doyoung was more than capable and ready to be a father, it was in his soul. But himself…_

_What if he screwed up? What if he really came to realize he didn’t want this after all? What if Shotaro grows up and ends up not loving him anymore? What if he never does in the first place? So many what ifs. So many ways to ruin this._

_His eyes were filled with tears by the time he came back to reality, and he looked down to the crib. To his son, sleeping soundly under the warm blanket with no care in the world. He loved him so much, he would give up everything in the world for him. But still, his head had so many doubts._

_“I don’t ever wanna hurt you, Taro.” he whispered, brushing a finger on the baby’s cheek. “But I hope to God that if I do, you’ll be able to forgive me. I hope, I desperately hope that I never lose you.”_

_He was able to swallow the tears that were threatening so hard to come out, but not for long._

_When he finally brought his gaze to the door, he found Doyoung standing there. His eyes told him he heard what he said, and knew what he was thinking. He had always been so good at reading him like a book, after all._

_He walked straight to him, wanting- no, needing to feel his comfort, and buried his head on his neck, arms wrapped above his shoulders. Immediately after, his boyfriend’s arms wrapped around his waist and back, and he felt Doyoung’s hands grabbing his shirt as he tightened his hold._

_For a few seconds they stood there, in silence, just getting their comfort from each other. For a few seconds, they were afraid of touching the subject, and trigger something they would regret. But Yuta did so anyway, voice so quiet it was barely audible._

_“I’m sorry, Dons…”_

_“Don’t be.” his grip tightened even more. “I’m here to help you, okay? You’re not alone, and I know you will be the greatest father to Taro.”_

_“How can you be so sure of that?”_

_Doyoung pulled him back, and cupped his face. Yuta closed his eyes when he felt his thumbs brushing his tears away, instantly calming down. When he opened them again, he was caught off guard with the loving glow on his boyfriend’s eyes._

_“Because you love him enough to be scared. And that shows how much you want this to work.”_

* * *

Yuta slowly opened his eyes, looking up at the ceiling.

It’s been three years since that conversation. So much had happened in between; they watched Shotaro taking his first steps, saying his first word, grow up and continuing to be the adorable and sweet little boy they love so much. He had been their main source of happiness since the start, the reason to keep going when things got dark. He thanked every entity he knew every day for having him in his life, and Doyoung too; his two boys were his reason to live.

He didn’t know how the door was opened; he could have sworn he had locked it. But it did, and Shotaro got in, quickly running to climb up the bed. Yuta had to smile, watching him struggle to get up but still insisting, and breaking into the proudest smile when he finally did.

Shotaro crawled into his dad’s chest, sitting down on his lap. His shiny brown eyes watched him intently, and he tilted his head when he noticed something wasn’t right.

“Daddy sad?”

Yuta nodded. “Yes, baby.” 

Shotaro pouted. “I don’t want daddy sad.”

The boy wrapped his short arms around his neck, hugging him as tight as he could. Yuta smiled, gladly hugging him back. Maybe it was the little kid charm, maybe it was something else, but his son’s hug always felt like medicine to him. Always put him in a better mood.

Then, Shotaro pulled back from the hug, and gave his dad a quick kiss on his cheek. 

“Daddy always does it to me when I’m sad.” he explained to a stunned Yuta. “I do it to you so you not sad anymore.”

In the five seconds it took him to register everything, the small tears started grouping on his eyes yet again. It was such a simple thing, but it contained so much innocent love in it it overwhelmed him. 

_I don’t deserve this boy. I really don’t deserve him at all._

Hiding his emotions, he gave him the best smile he could, ruffling his hair and hearing that little giggle he loved so much.

“Thank you, Taro. I’m not sad anymore.”

An excited “yay!” came out of the boy, and Yuta was sure his heart was going to explode at any moment.

“Hey, wanna watch some videos, baby?” he asked, picking his phone from the nightstand.

Shotaro immediately agreed, curling up on Yuta’s chest while he decided on what to put on for them. 

  
  
  
  


Doyoung walked upstairs, finding the house too quiet. Of course, he knew his boyfriend was in their room, but he hadn't seen Shotaro in a while and it was worrying him. Quiet and well behaved as the boy was, half the time silence settled in it meant trouble.

Their bedroom door was half open, which surprised him. Yuta usually locked himself inside, and he had to knock on the door when he wanted to check on him.

Peeking through the gap, he got the answer to both the silence and the open door, and smiled fondly.

Yuta was fast asleep, his phone still turned on and quietly playing a random video. And Shotaro was also asleep against his chest, sucking on his thumb, a habit he really hadn’t grown out of yet. His boyfriend had his arms wrapped around him, protectively holding, and he could see his lighter expression. 

Quietly walking inside, Doyoung grabbed the forgotten phone and turned it off, placing it back on the nightstand. He did it carefully, not wanting to wake up either of them, but he still felt Yuta stir next to him, and turned to see his hand reaching out to him, sleepy eyes asking him to join them.

He smiled, kissing the side of his head. Kicking off his shoes, he crawled into bed, laying on the free space of his shoulder. A content sigh left his lips almost right away, feeling Yuta’s hand rest on his waist. He grabbed it for a moment, just to feel the warmth and comfort holding his hand always gave him. And he knew his feelings mirrored Yuta’s, as he felt him relax even more at his touch.

Reluctantly removing it, his hand instead moved to caress his son’s cheek. He lived for these moments, the lazy afternoons where they can just relax and do nothing, cuddle and feel the love they shared. It always made him feel that everything they went through was worth it in the end.

As sleep creeped up on him, Doyoung loosely wrapped his arm around the little boy before closing his eyes, slipping into the world of dreams shortly after.

  
  
  
  
  


When Yuta woke up, he felt a numbing pain on both his shoulder and chest, but he didn’t move. He could feel two heartbeats against his body, and it brought him so much relief in a way. It gave him the comfort of knowing he still had his family right there, that he was as much loved as he loved them. He knew that soon, they would wake up and leave the bed, Doyoung to make dinner, and Shotaro to follow him. So he spent the time in between watching them, taking in as many details as he could, so this moment could later be a memory he could go back when his next dark day came.

**Author's Note:**

> this has been sitting on my wips for a while and i didn't know if i should post it but here it is, i hope it's good enough 🥺


End file.
